what-even-is-thiss:

whenflowersfade:

avocadamnit:

aphoenixinwriting:

mrsmarymorstan:

kyrael:

gallifreyfieldsforever:

I sincerely believe that by 7th year Ravenclaws would just tell the door to their common room to fuck off and it would open for them

Q “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” 
A “You shouldn’t shove either up your arse.” 
“…Technically, yes.”

Imagine it, a poor First Year is waiting outside the common room, they can’t answer the riddle in a way to appease the eagle and must wait until someone else to answer it for them. It’s getting late, they’re starting to resign themselves to having to spend the night here. 

Suddenly, their saviour comes! It’s a seventh year! Back from a night finishing off their Araithmancy essay in the Library. They look angry, but our poor little first year squares their shoulders, waiting to see what will happen, and hope that they’ll keep the door open for them. 

The Seventh Year bangs the handle against the wall, and a slightly disgruntled voice asks the question again: “What is the truth?”

The Student Replies, “The Truth is that I am so fucking sick of all these mother fucking questions about stupid fucking topics like this you bloody fuck-witted bastard. Who in the name of Merlin’s saggy left testicle gives a fucking damn about all this shit anyway? I’ve been working my arse off in the library for the last seven hours now let me the fuck in or, truthfully, I’ll blast my way in and take you with me.”

The eagle knocker tutts, but allows the student entry anyway, and our little first year enters, eyes wide and in shock. They watch the seventh year go up to their bedroom, awe all over their face at their new hero. They did, indeed, learn something that day by waiting for someone to arrive, they learnt that swearing has a magic all of it’s fucking own, and that sometimes it is big and clever to use it. 

The only head canon I will ever accept. Its both perfectly witty and fantastically assholish

witty and fantastically assholish… pretty much quintessential ravenclaw traits right there

My favorite version of this headcanon is that there is one Ravenclaw who went all seven years by answering the riddles with some variation of “not a potato” and was only ever wrong once.

I’m certain I would fit in there this just confirms my house

(via mcchurger)

abbiehollowdays:
“ cyberstripper:
“ commander-ledi:
“ bullet-train-4-australia:
“ twosatans:
“ pimp-boy3billion:
“ repconn:
“This is the most heteronormative thing I’ve ever seen in my life…………
”
Why are straight people like this
”
So…. which is...

abbiehollowdays:

cyberstripper:

commander-ledi:

bullet-train-4-australia:

twosatans:

pimp-boy3billion:

repconn:

This is the most heteronormative thing I’ve ever seen in my life…………

Why are straight people like this

So…. which is which……

i can’t stop laughing thinking about how opaque and incomprehensible this would be if u encountered it while dissociating

new gender binary:

  • people who barely speak
  • people who never shut up

anyone who thinks the left one is the ladies room has never met a man

Particularly when they’re talking about themselves

(via alethalheart)

paper-mario-wiki:
“ kramergate:
“ amazingatheist:
“Don’t read this Fucking caption if your done squeemish or sexually repressed bitch. But i just have to say this. I have a daydream where two people are playing a game where they take turns shoving...

paper-mario-wiki:

kramergate:

amazingatheist:

Don’t read this Fucking caption if your done squeemish or sexually repressed bitch. But i just have to say this. I have a daydream where two people are playing a game where they take turns shoving apples in my ass. The loser is whoever can’t get the last apple in. Pretty brutal, huh? Well, I’m insane.

I think about this post every single day of my life

i was horrified to find out two things

1. this is an actual, unedited post

2. this is not a parody account

(via alethalheart)

alohdark:

woodfae:

wait… if you have social anxiety… and i have social anxiety…

then who’s going to order the food?

The third friend who has the Mom Friend anxiety override.

(via lessthan-zero)

sheikofthesheikah:

smokedcapybara:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

sheikofthesheikah:

ive been sitting on a phone call with a guy from microsoft for an hour now after my computer crashed so he can help me re-upgrade to win10 and 99% of it has been pure silence but 5 mins ago he asked me if he can go pee.

i told him bro u been sittin here watching my slow ass computer install windows 10 for over 50 minutes you can go make yourself a cup of tea and a sandwich if you want.

he came back and apologised for making me wait for him but he said he made a sandwich and a coffee and now he’s chilling at his desk having a bite to eat and we’re just hanging out watching my percentage climb.

im getting jack of the silence so i asked him where he’s from bc he has an accent and theres a slight delay and he said he’s in the philippines so now we’re talking about the girl who won silver in the weightlifting at rio and he’s so proud of her its adorable.

apparently it’s the first medal the philippines has won since the olympics in 1996 so this woman is a hero over there rn. i love hearing underdog stories i want to hear more.

shit boy now we’re talking about how countries like the US and australia are disappointed when they dont win gold medals but athletes from countries like the philippines are the pride of the nation if they even place and how it suggestive of the values of first world countries

BOY THIS IS GETTING DEEP

we’re two hours in and i asked him what his record was for the longest phone call and he said five and a half.

bRO. FIVE HOURS ON THE DAMN PHONE HOW DOES A MOFO DEAL WITH THAT. 

im on hold again bc his supervisor wants something but apparently the five and a half hour phone call was because a guy was mad that he couldn’t figure out how to work windows 8 when he got a new computer so my tech guy spent nearly six hours teaching him how to use a fucking operating system.

this guy has the patience of a damn saint can we give him a medal or something like lets give the philippines their second medal in 20 years pleASE.

my computer finally entered its boot-reboot stage after installation and he asked me in the most polite way humanely possible if we could perhaps end the call and he will call me back tomorrow to make sure the upgrade finished properly.

this guy just spent over two hours chilling on the phone with me and he’s still gonna call me back tomorrow just to check that everything is ok.

i feel like ive entered a new plane of existence.

UPDATE

he called me back like he promised he would and asked whether everything was okay, and i told him it was and that ive reinstalled everything.

he said he was so happy that my computer is working again and that he was so glad that i was his customer because he’s not used to being able to chat and talk with the people on the other end just for the hell of it and it made his day yesterday.

his supervisor got on the phone and i gave him a glowing review, she said shes going to email me a survey so i can put it all on paper so he has the physical feedback to his name.

honestly that just made the whole stress of my computer crashing its pants so much better.

also his name is jhon. 

image

I drew him a medal

This is fucking adorable.

(via oakydokey)

frogmp3:

hey girls… did you know… that um… bisexual people are allowed to refer to their same gender attraction as gay or, when it applies, refer to other traits about themselves as gay, without someone who got their women and gender studies degree on tumblr.edu correcting them

(via apathy-at-its-peak)

cramp:

dont become friends with me, ill seem really cool at first but im actually really annoying and i cry alot

(via mothdecay)


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